Airlines consider offering standing room in lieu of seats

By Jack Brummet, Aviophobia Ed.

The New York Times reported yesterday that Airbus has been very discretely trying to drum up interest in a standing-room-only option to Asian airlines.

Passengers would stand against a padded backboard, held in place by a harness. In short, we'd have a plane full of papooses!

The airlines have already been squeezing passengers further (is that even possible?) by ordering new seats, with far thinner backs. Instead of adding an inch or two of legroom, they are, of course, adding additional rows of seats.

One airline was even considering a proposal by Boeing to essentially forgo seats and seatbealts in favor of a system where passengers stand so snugly together that they insulate each other from any turbulence or jostling. One proposal included the option of having passengers travel nude, using Crisco or another emollient to reduce friction and chafing. "Essentially, we would be taking a leaf from the penguin's book," explained Sheila Houlihan, a vice-president with Boeing's Public Relations group, "I mean, you saw March Of The Penguins, didn't you? These guys know how to huddle!"

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Aviophobia/fear of flying part 7 - Poem: The trouble with flying

By Jack Brummet

The trouble begins,
and usually ends,

When you make an unplanned transition
From an initial flying state

To a subsequent not flying state.
Falling per se is OK.

The hitch comes the moment
Falling becomes not falling,

Or, what the pros call
The uncontrolled landing problem.
---o0o---

Aviophobia (fear of flying), Part 5

By Jack Brummet, Aeronautics and Travel Ed.


I'll never love flying.  But it seems to get me where I want to go and I've learned to live with it. I've gone in the last five years from being completely terrified, and needing to be knocked out like BJ Barackus, to barely ambulatory/seriously medicated walking down the jetway, to mostly OK with it. All those trips across the country and Europe I made for work a couple years ago (75 flights in one year alone), along with our own travels to Mexico, Europe and Asia, somehow have made it, at least tolerable.   On our recent trip to South America, between coming and going, and doing a couple of in-country flights, we were on nine flights.  That would formerly have left me as a basket case for the entire trip, not only for the actual flights, but the anticipation of them...

I still take a Zanax, but I am no longer really a white knuckle flyer.  I'm still sometimes feel as crazy as a latrine rat on flights, but somehow I've managed to modulate it.

In fact, I've actually come to love both taking off and landing (especially landing), which are, of course, two of the most dangerous things you do while flying.  I've even come to liking it when those white stripes (the takeoff zone) pop up as we turn onto the main runway. . .

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The unscheduled landing

[context and photographer unknown]

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Poem: [The trouble begins]

By Jack Brummet

The trouble begins,
and usually ends,

When you make an unplanned transition
From an initial flying state

To a subsequent not flying state.
Falling per se is OK.

The hitch comes the moment
Falling becomes not falling,

Or, what the pros call
The uncontrolled landing problem.
      ---o0o---

Poem: Hard Landing

By Jack Brummet 

A plane embedded in the ground
And scattered across the desert
Is called an hard landing.
            ---o0o---

The Friendly Skies: it's safer than ever before to fly (well, maybe except on The Dreamliner)

By Jack Brummet, Aviophobia Ed.

• The past 10 years have been the safest in the country's aviation history, with 153 "just" fatalities. That translates to two deaths for every 100 million passengers on commercial flights, according to an Associated Press study of government data.
• All fatal crashes in the U.S. in the past decade occurred on regional airlines.
• Ten years ago--which was the the safest air travel had ever been--passengers were 10 times as likely to die when flying on an American plane. The risk of death was even greater during the early years of jet travel, with 696 people dying (133 out of every 100 million passengers) from 1962 to 1971. 

 ---o0o---

A skillful plane crash

By John Newton Brummet III, Aviophobia Editor

Now, this is one skillful 'plane crash—the kind I'd like to be in if, say, God said, "OK Jack, I'm assigning you to a plane crash." Hudson River Sully has nothing on this pilot, although I bet there were likely some seriously rattled molars and passengers and pilots in dire need of an underwear change.

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Gravity wins: 'planes coming down

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Poem: The trouble with flying

Even though I've flown hundreds of times, every time I do, it still puts the spook in me.  Xanax helps during the flight itself,  but I still have a week-long run-up of anxiety and darkness, whenever I have to fly.  But then I like to fly, because it takes me places I want to be. 

The trouble with flying
By Jack Brummet

The trouble begins,
and often ends,

When you make an unplanned transition
From an initial flying state

To a subsequent not flying state.
Falling per se is OK;

The hitch comes
When falling becomes not falling,

Or, what the pros call
The uncontrolled landing problem.
---o0o---

The New New Patdown & The TSA uproar

By Jack Brummet
All This Is That Social Mores Editor

I've written quite a few times over the last three years about TSA and their various security procedures. Mostly I've probably been dismissed (perhaps rightfully) as a crank. 

I've flown about 170 times in the last four years, and every single time (except two--both at John Wayne Airport in Orange County), I've set off the metal alarm in the scanners because of the stainless steel femur that was installed in my leg 15 years ago. [Note: this doesn't apply to my travel in Europe and Asia, where I have never been singled out]. Setting off that metal-detection alarm means you are subjected to a close personal inspection.   I've been patted down a couple hundred times times now.  First, they would go over your whole body with a wand.  And then they would give you a close pat-down, focusing on theareas that set off the alarm on the wand (like your hip, and the zipper on your jeans). 

No one really thought a lot about it when it was just those of us with joint replacements getting pulled out of the security line and frisked.  But now...the uproar has begun because it's everyone.  You either need to pass through the machine that sends an image of your naked body to a friendly TSA guy or gal, or if you would prefer not to be seen naked you get to have a close personal pat-down.

I just had the opportunity to undergo the "new New NEW pat-down" the day after the revised and aggressive security regulations took effect.  Look, it's not not actually invasive, but it is extremely close, and they've have very definitely Cranked Up Their Act.  They've seriously ratcheted up the pat-down we've had to endure these last ten years.  On the other hand, they now forgo the wanding...which always seemed a particularly inept follow up measure.   And as a side-note, they've also become extremely friendly and apologetic about the procedure.  To be fair, I've always just grinned it and beared (Bore?) it, and avoided getting visibly cranky about it.  The TSA guys didn't make the rules, and in all my dealings with them, they've been pretty OK.  Normally I smile and say no problem and try to get through it as quickly as possible, since I almost never arrive at the airport more than 45-60 minutes before my plane leaves! 

With all of the time I've spent with TSA folk (including two times when I got the total invasion, about which, see below), I have been able to ask questions...and I usually try to get them talking about dry runs or how they profile people, which is of course about the last thing they will talk about.  I've always had the best luck with them asking for their cranky customer stories.  And they all have millions.  I've seen dozens of tantrums and shocking disrespect towards the TSA guys--and you know, in my experience, there is roughly a 90-10 ratio of good guys to assholes in the TSA--which may well surpass the ratio among the citizenry at large.

The total invasion consists of a mortifyingly close evaluation of all your gear (and your whole act..the people I've talked to those two times definitely seemed like profilers), which happens all at random according to the TSA stooges.  I had three books.  They thumbed through each and every page, and shined a flashlight down the spine of the hardcover.  They took out my iPad and brought it back to a special area, along with my BlackBerry, a Nintendo DS, and two USB flash drives.  They turned every piece of clothing inside out, squirted fluids from liquids I had (contact lens solutions, witch hazel, SFP 15 sun blocker, India Ink --for drawing)  for what?  testing?  They invite you to repack, once they've inspected every item, inside and out.

This article has links to about a dozen earlier stories of life and times with the TSA.

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RyanAir liked our suggestions so much they now propose pay toilets and standing room "seating" (but will not be offering the Crisco)

By Jack Brummet, Social Mores Editor
& Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

Earlier this year, All This Is That published a satire piece about an airline (Spirit Air) that was about to begin charging for seat belts and restroom use.  Four years ago, we published another satire "Airlines consider offering standing room and Crisco in lieu of seats ."  What earlier seemed completely absurd  has come to pass. 

" 'As you know,' the source told our national affairs editor Pablo Fanque, 'we have positioned ourselves as the 'ultra low-cost' airline (ULCC). It wasn't much of a leap to go from charging for carry-on bags to charging for other, well, services.' The source disclosed that Spirit Airlines is about to impose a modest ($5.00) fee for seat belt rentals on all flights."

The Daily Mail recently reported that RyanAir is thinking about not only pay toilets, but is also considering standing room "seating."  Ryanair travellers would "perch on a narrow shelf and lean against a flat padded backboard. They would be restrained with a strap stretching over their shoulder, the budget airline said." 

Ryanair plans to replace the back ten rows of seats on its fleet with 15 rows of vertical seating.  In addition, the airline, at the same time, announced they will begin charging a fee for use of the toilets on their aircraft.

All This Is That pages cited in this article:   

http://jackbrummet.blogspot.com/2006/04/airlines-consider-offering-standing.html
http://jackbrummet.blogspot.com/2010/04/spirit-airlines-to-institute-pay.html

---o0o---

Spirit Airlines to institute pay toilets and seat belt surcharges on all flights

By Pablo Fanque,

All This Is That National Affairs Editor
Fact checking and research by Jack Brummet

As you may recall, All This Is That has recently been researching a story on airline surcharges and fees.  Pablo Fanque received a call (and tip) from a senior manager at Spirit Airlines Monday afternoon.  The manager, who had been a source for Fanque on aspects of the articles on airline fees, called to tell him that Spirit Airlines recently decided to impose additional fees and charges on its passengers.  

"As you know," the source told Fanque, "we have positioned ourselves as the 'ultra low-cost' airline (ULCC).  It wasn't much of a leap to go from charging for carry-on bags to charging for other, well, services."    The source disclosed that Spirit Airlines is about to impose a modest ($5.00)  fee for seat belt rentals on all flights. 

In addition, the airline will begin charging a fee for use of the toilets on their aircraft.  On all flights lasting longer than two hours, patients will be given a voucher card, good for one visit to the restrooms.  After that "complimentary" visit, all passengers will be required to use debit cards to unclock the toilets.  While the fee is also modest ($1.00 for five minutes), the manager did indicate they expect pushback from the public. "However, even our $45 carry-on baggage charge has met with far less resistance than we expected.  We ARE the cheapest airline in the country. . .and we intend to keep it that way."  Since receiving the call from our source, we have verified the story with two other highly placed executives, as well as a member of the Spirit Airlines Board of Directors.

Calls--and nine emails--placed to three other major airlines, asking for comment, were not returned. 
---o0o---

All This Is That Hero of the Year: Sully! Chesley Sullenberger's amazing qualifications for pulling off a miracle

The Pilot who landed his disabled jet in the Hudson yesterday and then helped get everyone off the plane (even walking up and down the plane twice and looking under every seat) is truly an American Hero. Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger, III is a captain for American Airways with over 40 years of flying experience. But get this. . .of all the people who could have flown that plane, he may have been singular in that he was the best trained of almost any pilot for an emergency. He is a scholar of air disasters, and even has a company that teaches and consults on air safety.

From the SRM web site, read his amazing qualifications:

SRM Founder Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger, III is a captain for a major U.S. airline with over 40 years of flying experience. A former U.S. Air Force (USAF) fighter pilot, he has served as an instructor and Air Line Pilots Association (ALPA) safety chairman, accident investigator and national technical committee member. He has participated in several USAF and National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) accident investigations. His ALPA safety work led to the development of a Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) Advisory Circular.

Working with National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) scientists, he coauthored a paper on error inducing contexts in aviation. He was instrumental in the development and implementation of the Crew Resource Management (CRM) course used at his airline and has taught the course to hundreds of his colleagues. Sully is a graduate of the U.S. Air Force Academy (B.S.), Purdue University (M.S.) and the University of Northern Colorado (M.A.). He was a speaker on two panels at the High Reliability Organizations (HRO) 2007 International Conference in Deauville, France May 29-31, 2007. He has just been named a Visiting Scholar at the University of California, Berkeley.

---o0o---

On the move again,from Rhodes to Seteia, Crete

We're kind of in the phase of our trip like "If it's Tuesday, it must be Rome." After two days on the island of Rhodes, we are flying to Seteia on the island of Crete tomorrow afternoon. A lot of these flights are costing an incredible $3o USD (pretty amazing when you consider that gasoline, and presumably, kerosene (aka jet fuel) costs about $11 USD a gallon (quit your belly achin' America). When we refilled out rental car with 7 gallons, the tab was $75 USD.

The trip on the ground, in the air, and on the water so far::::::::::::::: fly Seattle--> to Calgary-->to London-->to Istanbul (stayed a week)--> fly to Izmir-->drive to Selcuk (stayed three days)-->Drive from Selcuk-->to Datca (stayed three days)-->Drive from Datca-->to Marmarise-->sail to Rhodes, Greece (stayed two days)-->fly to Seteia, Crete, Greece.

From Seteia, we will take a bus to Heraklion, Crete and visit the famous, awesome, and controversially reconstructed ruins at Knossos (where Icarus and Daedalus flew their ill fated mission) and the home of King Minos, anwhich Keelin and I visited previously in 1982. From Heraklion, we will sail to Naxos, and then to Santorini, and finally to Piraeus (which is the port for Athens). After a couple days in Athens visitd all the bull worshipping. After visiting the great ruins there, we will board a plane for home. Wah.
---o0o---

Three photgraphs of uncontrolled landings

Flying can sometimes be better
Than not flying.

Three examples:

---o0o---

Poem: Flying, depending on the context, is better than not flying

Flying is the straw man.
It’s falling that is the issue,

And even falling per se is OK.
The hitch arises the moment

Falling becomes not falling.
I call it the uncontrolled landing problem.
---o0o---

Full body scanners cranking up at Baltimore, Denver, Albuquerque, JFK, Dallas, Detroit, LAX, Vegas, Miami, and Wash., D.C. airports

Courtesy of the TSA, body-scanning machines that scan beneath your clothing are installed or are being installed in 10 of the nation's busiest airports. Los Angeles, Reagan National Airport, Baltimore, Denver, Albuquerque and JFK airports are already checking out random travelers. Dallas, Detroit, Las Vegas and Miami will be added this month.

"It's the wave of the future," said James Schear, the TSA security director at Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport, where two body scanners are in use at one checkpoint.
---o0o---

Aviophobia: Part 28 - Flight attendant intentionally starts fire on jet

Dave Kolpack of the Associated Press reported today that a disgruntled flight attendant--Eder Rojas, 19--smuggled a lighter aboard an airplane and started a fire in a bathroom, forcing an emergency landing. Rojas was angry because he had been assigned to routes he didn't like.

The Compass Airlines flight carrying 72 passengers and four crew members landed safely in Fargo, N.D. on May 7 after smoke filled the back. No injuries were reported. Read the entire sordid story here.
---o0o---

Off to the motherland!

I leave Seattle at 6:30 and arrive in England at around noon (UK time) tomorrow.
---o0o---