Spread-eagled in Hungary: The Madonna Interview translated from Hunglish

Years ago, while filming Evita in Hungary, Madonna[1] sat for an interview with an interpreter with the Budapest newspaper Blikk. USA Today later offered the interview translated into English, more or less, with improbably hilarious results. The translation originally appeared in USA Today, the favorite newspaper of bad hotels in North America.


Blikk: Madonna, Budapest says hello with arms that are spread-eagled. Did you have a visit here that was agreeable? Are you in good odor?

Madonna: Thank you for saying these compliments (holds up hands). Please stop with taking sensationalist photographs until I have removed my garments for all to see (laughs). This is a joke I have made.

Blikk: Madonna, let's cut toward the hunt: Are you a bold hussy-woman that feasts on men who are tops?

Madonna: Yes, yes, this is certainly something that brings to the surface my longings. In America, it is not considered to be mentally ill when a woman advances on her prey in a discotheque setting with hardy cocktails present.

Blikk: Is this how you met Carlos, your love-servant who is reputed?... Were you dating many other people in your bed at the same time?

Madonna: No, he was the only one I was dating in my bed then, so it is a scientific fact that the baby was made in my womb using him. But as regards these questions, enough! I am a woman and not a test-mouse!

Blikk: OK, here's a question from left space: What was your book Slut about?

Madonna: It was called Sex, my book.

Blikk: Not in Hungary. Here it was called Slut...

[1] Madonna, (Louise Veronica Ciccone) is a 50-year old American actress, singer, and entrepreneur.
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Some quotes from the film American Beauty

I recently watched American Beauty again, and remembered what touched me about it the first time I saw the film. It is a flawed jewel, but it works. You can read/download the script here. I have witnessed people in my life make incredible transformations. At least one of them nearly identically echoes the plot of American Beauty, sans the killing. The central thrust of the film is: "It's never too late to get it back." Some quotes from the movie:


Lester: (amused) Look at me, jerking off in the shower. (then) This will be the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here.

Lester: Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser, and they're right. I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn't always feel this sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.

Lester: It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.

Carolyn: Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch.
Lester: So what? It's just a couch.
Carolyn: This is a four thousand dollar sofa upholstered in Italian silk. This is not "just a couch."
Lester: It's just a couch! This isn't life. This is just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts.

Lester: Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life?" Well, that's true of every day except one - the day you die.

Lester Burnham: I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.

Brad Dupree: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester Burnham: Nope, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Carolyn Burnham: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?
Lester Burnham: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
Carolyn Burnham: Your father seems to think this type of behavior is something to be proud of. Lester Burnham: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn Burnham: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you LOSE your job.
Lester Burnham: Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops! Where'd my job go?" I QUIT. Someone pass me the asparagus.

Lester Burnham: I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

Lester Burnham: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.

Lester Burnham: [narrating] I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Lester Burnham: My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.

Lester Burnham: [narrating] Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.
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Los Lobos: One Time One Night, video and lyrics

This is one of my favorite songs by Los Lobos, an American treasure-trove of roots music. The song is all the more poignant because it's Los Lobos and is simultaneously infectious and heartbreaking. Since I became a fan in the mid-eighties, I've always loved David Hidalgo's tenor voice, and Cesar Rosas' too. I've probably seen Los Lobos perform four times over the years, usually at the Bumbershoot arts festival in Seattle, although I think I saw them once in Berkeley or Oakland. . .who knows? They toured a lot with both Bob Dylan and The Grateful Dead in the late 80's and early 90's. It might have been at one of their shows...




One time one night lyrics

A wise man was telling stories to me
About the places he had been to
And the things that he had seen
A quiet voice is singing something to me
An age old song about the home of the brave
In this land here of the free
One time one night in America
A lady dressed in white with the man she loves
Standing along the side of their pick up truck
A shot rang out in the night
Just when everything seemed right
Another headline written down in America
The guy that lived next door in three oh five
took the kids to the park and disappeared 'bout half past nine
Who will ever know how much she loved them so
That dark night alone in America
A quiet voice is singing something to me
An age old song 'bout the home of the brave and this land here of the free,
One time one night in America
Four small boys playing ball in the parking lot
A preacher, a teacher, and the other became a cop
A car skidded into the rain
Making the last little one a saint
One more light goes out in America
A young girl tosses a coin in the wishing well
She hopes for a heaven while for her there's just this hell
She gave away her life to become somebody's wife
Another wish unanswered in America
People having so much faith
Die too soon while all the rest come late
We write a song that no one sings
On a cold black stone where a lasting peace will finally bring
The sunlight plays upon my window pane
I wake up to a world that's still the same
My father said to be strong
That a good man could never do wrong
In a dream I had last night in America
A wise man was telling stories to me
about the places he had been to and the things that he had seen
A quiet voice is singing something to me
An age old song 'bout the home of the brave and this land here of the free,
One time one night in America
One time one night in America
One time one night in America
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