Friday, July 31, 2015

Poem: Coyote Comes Home Like A Salmon

By Jack Brummet





Crossing real estate lines
That mean nothing to him,
Coyote traverses the pale fog
Driven in from the sea.
He has a loan of time
To walk through his old salal tangled home.
Sneaking through nettles and Oregon grape,
He carries his battered canoe
Along cedar darkened clay
Back where he grew from whelp to pup.
Down whitewater roiling over boulders
He feathers the current with his paddle,
Turning in the current like a leaf.
The spent river slinks into the sea.
Pipers spoon their bills in the sand for clams
And robins claw at earthworms.
A diving hawk sends smaller birds
Tumbling into hysterical flight.
His bones feel fragile as obsidian
As he watches the green Kalopanish stop
And they all come to the end:
The river, the creek, and God's old friend.
            ---o0o---


Thursday, July 30, 2015

Drawing: Faces #1191


By Jack Brummet

                                                                            ---o0o---

Monday, July 27, 2015

33 very short poems

By Jack Brummet



 Stealth

You think one thing,
Say another,
And do a third.
                    ---o0o---


The host and tenant lock
In benign equilibrium.
                    ---o0o---


Each valley followed by a slope.
Every going followed by a return.
                    ---o0o---

There is no relief without an ache,
 And no virus without a host.
                    ---o0o---


Bricks tumble into the moat.
The king's body hangs naked from the flagpole.
                    ---o0o---



For a fleeting moment
The condition for change exists.
                    ---o0o---


A roiling thunderstorm clears the air
Like Wyatt Earp's peacekeeper
                    ---o0o---

A bad beginning can be overcome
But a good end lasts forever
                    ---o0o---

When you strip away the stage flats, makeup, and costumes,
It’s all one story starring our private heroes and dreams.
                    ---o0o---


Resurrection

He was ready to live again
Even if living just meant running
To keep ahead of the ghosts.
                    ---o0o---


It’s so still and calm
In the mosque,
You could hear a fly expire.
                    ---o0o---


The Marriage

Two tattered mannequins
Prop each other up
In the Salvation Army Store window
                    ---o0o---


Gone Fishing

As the forests swamps and bones turn slowly to coal
The last pterodactyl
Soars overhead, calling for a friend.
                    ---o0o---


It's so quiet you hear
dust motes six feet up
bump in shafts of sunlight.
                    ---o0o---



Take the worst that could happen
And add two zeros.
                    ---o0o---

High fidelity clouds gather over
The tattered stage flats of a world on fire.
                    ---o0o---


It's Getting Crowded

We cover the earth with Venn Diagrams
As our steps bisect old steps.
                    ---o0o---


The glass is not half-full

I saw our dreams disappear
Like a white pony
Over a low grassy hill.
                    ---o0o---

The Golden Rule

Listen to the songbirds trill
But keep an eye
On the buzzard section.
                    ---o0o---

An orchard of salt pillars
Circles Gomorrah's ashes:
Lot's Wife had no name.
            ---o0o---


If I don’t write it down
The words race away
Like a hit and run driver
                    ---o0o---

Your Wooden Leg

Run if you still can.
Drag that wooden leg behind you,
But keep up, jogging after your pipe-dream.
                    ---o0o---

Weather Report

Life is a raindrop
Sizzling as it skitters
Across the universal griddle.
                    ---o0o---

"And after all, what is a lie? ’Tis but the truth in masquerade"
The truth exists; the lie must be created.
                    ---o0o---

Waiting

There is no tomorrow
until we get through
the day after yesterday
                    ---o0o---

Possibilities

In your chest beats the heart of a Good Samaritan
Who never quite got off the starting blocks
                    ---o0o---

Torches & Pitchforks

The whole
Is far less than the sum
Of its parts:
                    ---o0o---

Mission Statement

The Army has two duties
To break things, and kill people;
Everything else is just fluff and overhead.
                    ---o0o---


Dodgeball

We weave around and through
Unseen hazards and shoals,

Always feeling less safe
Than we actually are.
                    ---o0o---


The Odds
  
Simple probability and statistics
Tell us ineluctably that the more times
You stick your head In the lion's mouth,
The more likely it is that one day he will close it.
                    ---o0o---

The Man In The Mirror

There's a civil war in his head:
Lobe against lobe.
                    ---o0o---


Falling per se is not a bad thing.
The problems arise when falling
Becomes not falling, or, the uncontrolled landing problem.
                    ---o0o---


The Return Of The Kings

We never picture the aliens
Coming in peace
Because we never came in peace.
                    ---o0o---






OSHA requires goggles in pornographic films?



A new rule proposed by California’s Occupational Safety and Health Standards agency in May requires actors in pornographic movies to wear goggles for eye protection. (Washington Post, May 29, 2015)

---o0o---

28%!

By Jack Brummet



An Economist/YouGov poll last Friday showed that Donald Trump is now 28% of registered Republican voters 1st choice, up from 15% in early July.

Why?

a) Novelty. Remember Herman Cain soared in the polls early on too, mostly for also shooting his mouth off. 
b) The GOP rank and file is an aging, and slightly/largely deranged demographic. 
c) They are fed up with lame candidates like McCain and Romney (although this is hardly the solution to that). 
d) Sending a message to the others.
e) People love rich guys. Sure, most of the other candidates are multimillionaires, but Donald TrumpEts it. 
f) They want their own, as Sarah Palin would say, "mavericky" candidate like Bernie Sanders.
---o0o---

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Cookin' with Jack: Fried Rice


By Jack Brummet

4 tbs peanut or other oil (Note: I think Canola has a nasty taste, but feel free)
6 Chinese sausages, sliced about 1/4" thick (or 1/2 lb. ham, or Chinese BBQ pork)
1 white onion diced (yellow or onion OK)
Salt and pepper
3 fat cloves garlic, finely minced
3-inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped
5 scallions, thinly sliced on the bias, white and green separated
1 cup fresh (in the summer) or frozen peas
Half cup finely diced carrots
2-4 celery stalks sliced thin
A cup or cup and a half of peeled shrimp (raw, or use peeled tiny fresh cooked Oregon shrimp).
5 large eggs, lightly beaten
6 cups cold cooked long-grain rice (cooled overnight and grains separated by hand or with a utensil). About one cup per person.  Jasmine or Basmati works well too.
sesame oil to taste (2-3 teaspoons)
soy (tamari for GF) sauce - to taste, 2-4 tablespoons)
2 tablespoons of Mirin (optional but good)

Once you make it you'll have a sense of how to make it your own next time.  

Heat a wok or large heavy-bottomed cast iron skillet or wok to low heat.  Add 1 tablespoon of the oil. Add the beaten eggs. Cook until  just firm enough to lift out of the wok to cool.  You can do them like a pancake or like scrambled eggs with large curds,  Put it on a cutting board and chop it into small pieces.

Crank up the flame all the way.  After a couple of minutes, add a teaspoon or two of oil and stir fry the sausage for a couple of minutes on high heat.   Put in a bowl on the counter.

Add a little oil and the onions and celery to the pan, season with salt and pepper, and cook for 3 minutes until onion is just sweated, stirring all the time.  Add the garlic, ginger, and scallion whites and stir 30 seconds. Add peas and carrots . Cook until just defrosted (if frozen) but  leave them crisp.  Empty it all into the bowl of sausage.

Return the pan to the heat and add 3 tablespoons of oil. When the wok is smoking, add the rice to the pan and use a wooden spoon to break up any clumps. Season with pepper and stir-fry the rice to coat evenly with oil. Stop stirring, and let the wok go for 30 second increments between tossing and stirring.  Add the mirin if using. Stir the rice again, breaking up any new clumps. Add the sesame oil to taste (at least two teaspoons-1 Tbs. I like a little more).

Add the shrimp, if using.  Stir for a minute.  Add soy sauce--about 4 TBS but taste it after 2, you may like it just like that).  Add in the chopped up eggs and contents of the bowl with sausage, herbs, vegies).  Stir and toss.  Add the scallion greens.  Add salt and pepper if it needs a touch more (the salt should be fine).  

---o0o---

Drawing: Faces #1186 - Tower

By Jack Brummet

[Pencil, pen and ink and Sharpie on wooden (knick-knack?) tower; 27" x 7" x 7"]

click images to download or enlarge

  

 

detail:


---o0o---


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Warnings and disclaimers



Compiled by Jack Brummet over the years



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Ignite lighter away from face. Rolling rock. Contents may settle during shipment. Not for intimate hygiene. Do not use as an ice cream topping. State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers This side towards enemy. Your mileage may vary. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents of this container can be harmful or fatal.

No Life Support. REPRODUCTION REQUIRES APPROVAL OF ORIGINATOR OR HIGHER GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY. This is an Official U.S.Government system for authorized use only. Persons with open sores or communicable diseases are not permitted to use the facilities. WARNING: Do not smoke until hair is dry. All body contact is limited to simple expressions of affection and friendship. Provocative conduct or sexual misconduct WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Do not Discuss, Enter, Transfer, Process, or Transmit Classified/Sensitive National Security information of greater sensitivity than that for which this system is authorized. Use of this system constitutes consent to security testing and monitoring. Unauthorized use could result in criminal prosecution. Do not run with scissors.

Nothing by mouth. You must not find images of adults engaged in sexual acts to be offensive or objectionable; you must understand the laws and standards of the community to which you are transporting this adult material and you must assume all the liability for violating such laws and standard by entering this site; you may not allow any minor to view any of the material or images found by accessing this site. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Keep out of the direct rays of the sun.

The reader assumes all risks associated with using this 'product'. In case of irritation, flush eyes with cold water and consult your physician. Fire-breathing is dangerous. Look out for wind at all times. For your protection and that of others, please sit on towels while nude. Caution: Do Not Lick Lid. The value of shares (and any income from them) may fall as well as rise, and you may not get back the full amount invested. All Rights Reserved.

Tumble dry on low heat. No preservatives added. Discontinue use if any of the following occur: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance, slurred speech, or profuse sweating. Reference herein to any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement.  Not fit for human consumption. Do not change fan belt while engine is running. Some of these pages may be offensive to sensitive people. Celebrity voice impersonated.

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God; neglect,   damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X- rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc).

WARNING: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. Point away from people, especially while opening. Any Other Use Constitutes Fraud. Serve ice cold. May explode if recharged improperly. Apply Liberally And Regularly. No illegal files, programs, or other information shall be made available from this server. Call toll free number before digging.

Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No anchovies or jalapeño peppers unless otherwise specified. Sold only for the prevention of disease. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Not for internal use. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE.

Warning: Do Not Use While Sleeping. The University has neither control over nor responsibility for the opinions or correct identity of users. May be too intense for some viewers. Apply sparingly to affected area. Warning: Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. In no event shall Microsoft or its suppliers be responsible for any damage or loss incurred by using this software. Best if eaten by date of package. Void where prohibited. Member FDIC. Use like regular soap. Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Some assembly required. Product will be hot after heating.  Do not iron clothes on body. For indoor or outdoor use only. Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands. Use only as directed. Parental supervision required. Accepted by The American Dental Association. Not to be used for other use.

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WARNING! Not For Use On Live Circuits. It is a privilege extended only to the person whose picture appears hereon. Resale of this pass is strictly prohibited. Because only natural products are used, taste, color and body may vary. Caffeine Free. Contains no additives or preservatives. Contains no sugar, caffeine, artificial colors or preservatives. Program may be cancelled or changed without notice. Refrigerate after opening. Shake well before drinking.  

NO FRUIT JUICE. This is a fictional story. All smilarities to real people and events are coincidental. The observance of all Jewish Holidays begins at sundown the previous day. Do not take this product if your are hypersensitive to any of the ingredients. Limit one punch per visit. See Program Rules and Conditions for additional details. Applies to regular price merchandise only.

Interim markdowns taken. The entry of a C.O.D. amount is not a declaration of value. Limit one entry per person. All subsequent entries will be discarded. Actual prize may vary in appearance. The inclusion, exclusion, or definition of a word or term is not intended to affect, or to express any judgment on, the validity or legal status of any proprietary right which may be claimed in that word or term. This card is invalid if laminated. This card is invalid if not signed by the number holder unless health or age prevents signature. Improper use of this card and/or number by the number holder or any other person is punishable by fine, imprisonment or both.

This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private. This warranty does not apply in the event of any misuse or abuse of the product, or as a result of any unauthorized repairs or alterations.
---o0o---

Dr. Benway (From Wm. Burroughs' Naked lunch), with two Burroughs photos


 Dr. Benway. . .looks around and picks up one of those rubber vacuum cups at the end of a stick they use to unstop toilets.  He advances on the patient. . ."Make an incision Doctor Limpf," he says to his appalled assistant. . ."I'm going to massage the heart."
 Dr. Limpf shrugs and begins the incision. . .Dr. Benway washes the suction cup by swishing it around in the toilet bowl. . .
 Nurse: "Shouldn't it be sterilized, doctor?"
 Dr. Benway: "Very likely, but there's no time. . .Did I ever tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with a rusty sardine can?"
 Dr. Limpf: "The incision is ready, doctor."
 Dr. Benway forces the cup into the incision and works it up and down.  Blood spurts all over the doctors, the nurse and the wall. . .the cup makes a horrible sucking sound.
 Nurse: "I think she's gone, doctor."
 Dr. Benway: "Well, it's all in a day's work."

---o0o---

Drawings: Faces #1180 and 1181 - iPad sketches

By Jack Brummet


---o0o---

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Poem: The Quest

By Jack Brummet



It’s all one story—
                           A ragged
                                        shape-shifting tale

Of incredible coherence and constance,
                                                           Encompassing all you know,
                                                           All you don’t know you know,
                                                           And all you one day will know.
There is more
                     To be
                             seen,
                             tasted,
                             heard,
                             and felt
                                         Than can ever be known or told.

Our myths flourish and spread,
                              Person to person, 
                                          And the mysteries of the seas and skies and stars
                                                             Fill our collective conscience

With mystical scenes,
                      Quests, and tales of greatness.
                                           These myths, tales, and fables
                                                               Cannot be invented or denied.

When you strip away
                       The stage flats, makeup, and costumes,
                                            It’s all one story
                                                                Starring private heroes and dreams.
                                   ---o0o--- 

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Faces #618 Lost & Found - Confessions

By Jack Brummet


  • I stare at the wall. It's not long before the wall stares back and the walls start closing in and the walls start to undulate and mystical vibrations come through and I start feeling the pulse of everyone who had ever . . .
  • I get so self-conscious I have to hide.  I don't actually hide; I just never appear.  It's something like agoraphobia magnified by a potentiation facctor and exacerbated by The Willies.
  • Everything that breathes, everything that swims, crawls, creeps, flies, oozes, wiggles, or hobbles scares me.  I am scared of the rocks, mountains, streams, and oceans.  I scare myself.
  • You have to have something.  You need a reason to believe.  I’m still looking for mine.
  • I am a fraud.  Everything you know about me is a lie.  I can never tell the truth when a lie is close at hand.  The lies multiply logarithmically.  The best part is keeping the intertwined lies straight.  It's my game, sorting out whom I told what when, whom they know who heard another version . . .
  • It wasn't me, but I could never prove it.  They had no evidence I actually had. The lack of evidence was inconsequential.  The finding of guilt was a foregone conclusion.  The winds of mercy were blowing in the wrong direction.
  • T.M., yoga, dart to be great, Buddhism, repressed memories, drum circles, primal screams, rolfing, gestalt therapy, hot stones, mud baths, hot springs, transactional analysis, dreamwork,  tai chi, Catholicism.  The odds are sooner or later something is going to work.
  • Who what when where why? I'm still sorting it out and there are roads and byways yet to explore.  Half the fun is the chase. I’m not lost yet.
  • After Desert Storm, nothing seemed to work right.  About half the puzzle pieces were missing.  I tried this, I tried that. I went here, I went there.  All the king's horses and all the king's men could not put me back together again.  I was never despondent, but I could never feel again.
  • I was abducted on April 23, 2002.  I remember nothing from the moment I was taken until I came to at 3:19 a.m. I’m pretty sure I am a throwback--I show no signs of implants. *Sigh* I don't even fit in with The Greys.
  • My heart is like a big bucket of cold tar. I feel nothing.  I am indifferent to every person I meet. I don't belie in anyone or anything.  I don't believe in me.
  •  I am an upstanding community member.  I am a deacon in the first Baptist church.  But I lost my faith years ago when my wife dumped me for a 22-year-old heir.  I lost my faith in the church, and most of all, in myself.
  • I have a secret. I have never told anyone, but I want to tell you.  I really want to tell you, but when I do, it is out of the bag.  My safety depends on this staying inside me.  I have to tell, but I can't.  If I told you, I'd be sowing the seeds of my destruction.
  • There's something in my past.  A repressed memory of something terrible that happened to me when I was younger.  I've tried and tried to remember but it never comes back.  No matter how long I try to remember I come up with nothing.  And it hangs over my head like a dark cloud.
  • I've been stealing money from my company for five years.  I keep it covered up in a sort of revolving shell game.  But the auditors are here next week and I don't know what to do.  In one more week, I could hide it, but I've run out of time.  I don't have enough to run away.  I don't know whether to confess of end it all.
  • I cheat on my income tax.  I sometimes steal commissions belonging to other salesmen.  I step out on my wife whenever I make a sales trip to Toledo.  I don't really like my second daughter.  I can't wait to collect my inheritance.
                                  ---o0o---

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Men vs. Women

From the Compendium Of Demonology and Magic (ca. 1775)


---o0o---

The latest GOP-Tea Party Presidential Poll (Monmouth University)

By Jack Brummet

The latest Republican Presidential poll from Monmouth University are in, or as Andy Borowitz wrote in the New Yorker, "The former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin would bring much-needed dignity to the 2016 Republican field, a new poll shows."



Undecided 18%
Jeb Bush 15%
Donald Trump 13%
Ted Cruz 9%
Mike Huckabee 7%
Scott Walker 7%
Ben Carson 6%
Rand Paul 6%
Marco Rubio 6%
Chris Christie 2%
Bobby Jindal 2%
Rick Perry 2%
Rick Santorum 2%
Carly Fiorina 1%
Lindsey Graham 1%
John Kasich 1%
No One 1%
George Pataki 1%
Jim Gilmore 0%
---o0o---