Sunday, February 28, 2010

Drawing: Faces No. 17 & Faces. 12

Thanks to Susan for sending me these photos of drawings I didn't even remember I did...she has a stack of them squirreled away at the DeMerit mansion on Capitol Hill...



click the drawings to enlarge
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Jay Leno & Luca Brasi: Separated at birth?

click to enlarge
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Friday, February 26, 2010

Faces No. 61

click to enlarge
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Kill The Whale!

By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor
and Jack Brummet, Editor-in-chief, All This Is That

Magnificent but deadly, is how a Florida newspaper described Orcas.  I live within walking distance of Puget Sound, where we have pods of Orcas.  I have seen them all my life out in the sound, sailed by them in ferries as whole pods breached and frolicked, and even watched on TV when they were captured (specifically Name and Shamu).  It's sad, but not shocking, to hear one they had cooped up in Florida has killed someone.  Tilikum an Orca at SeaWorld has now killed three people.  Our local Orcas don't have such an ugly track record.  But they are free to roam the sound and Pacific Ocean, and have social relationships among their pod. 

Tilikum is a star attraction for SeaWorld, and a stud--he's now father to 13 calves.  He is a large Orca, and has been a marquee fixture at SeaWorld--partly because his considerable girth lends itself to making gigantic splashes that awe the tourists.  But his male hormones, that delight the breeders at the park, and his size, that delights the paying visitors also make him dangerous to Dawn Brancheau, his handlers and trainers.  He killed Brancheau, dragging her by her ponytail and drowning her earlier this week.  This isn't completely surprising.  Tillikum is often separated from the seven other whales at SeaWorld, because he is very large.  And "randy." 

"Chuck Tompkins, corporate curator of animal behavior for SeaWorld Parks & Entertainment, said the park's female killer whales typically only want Tilikum around them when they are sexually active." 
But Orcas are extremely social, and the isolation Tilikum experinced may have led to his aggressive behavior (sounds like prison behavior, doesn't it?).  SeaWorld knew this, and only put him in isolation for three days maximum.   Being alone is cruel punishment for a whale.

Dawn Brancheau was not his only victim.  This is a serial killer whale.  In 1991, he was one of three Orcas that drowned a trainer at an aquarium in our neighboring town, Victoria, British Columbia.  In 1999, authorities found a dead body on his back--authorities believe the man snuck into SeaWorld's orca tank and drowned.

Tilikum weighs six tons, twice the size of the next largest whale in captivity in Orlando.  SeaWorld allows no handlers in his tank, and only allow the most seasoned handlers to work with him at the edge of  "the tank."  Many experts say he is so large that any tank man can create is far too small for him.  They also say no tank is large enough for a whale.
"We've proved in the past few years that putting people in solitary confinement makes them crazy. How can we expect anything different from marine animals?" said Edward O. Keith, an associate professor at Nova Southeastern University's Oceanographic Center.


SeaWorld is assembling a panel of experts to decide how best to handle Tilikum in light of this most recent "accident."

Really?  I guess you don't even consider sterner measures when the perp is your tourist attraction's cash cow.  But if this were a Pit Bull, Rottweiler, Malamute, or German Shepherd who just killed their third victim, what do you think their fate would be?  Well, let's face it, they would have never reached their third strike.  The "authorities" would have taken the dog out after their first srike.  And we've done the same dozens of times recently with rogue bears and cougars.  We do it with humans too.

So, what now?  If this was a human, we would never set him free.  If it was a dog, we would have killed him back in 1991.  We could slowly acclimatize him, and eventually set him free.  That's worked with birds, but with whales...we haven't had much luck.

Incredibly, SeaWorld wants to keep him around.   They have a deep pecuniary interest in keeping him performing.   What are a few dead handlers compared to a magnificent revenue-generating marquee whale?  Not much apparently.

Fly him back to Puget Sound and drop him near one of the local pods.  It's sink or swim out there, and he'll make it, or he won't.  But, SeaWorld,  your status quo?  It really isn't working.  It's time to implement the Free Willy option.  You've collected enough of your dollars, sheckels, and piastres.  It's time to free Tilikum and let him enjoy whatever remains of his life.
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Drawing: Faces No. 74 - "Am I the only sober person here?"

click to enlarge
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Jokes, No. 13: The Monastery




A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: hes allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.

“Cold floors,” he says.

They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says,

“Bad food.”

They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words.

“I quit,” he says.

“Thats not surprising,” the elders say. “Youve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

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Strangest police sketches ever

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Jokes, No. 12: The Quarters

A young boy goes into a barber shop.  The barber whispers to his customer,

“This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,

“Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves and sees the same boy coming out of an ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licks his cone and replies,

“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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Drawing: Faces No. 111 - the numbered, part II

click to enlarge
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Friday, February 19, 2010

Similarities between the Austin plane bomber and the Tea Party Movement

 

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

It's hard to swallow the hand-wringing over Andrew Joseph Stack (another triple-name psycho) and whatever mental illness led him to fly his Piper Cub into a building and murder at least one (and possibly more) people. It's heartbreaking when anyone commits suicide, but Stack's disjointed, rambling diatribe (you can't really call it a manifesto) would have never made these pages on The Smoking Gun, or the headlines of most 'papers, if he had merely committed suicide. "I have had all I can stand," he wrote. He then decided to make a splash by killing some innocent people, although no one in that building probably had anything to do with his woes.

He wrote and posted a deranged and muddy screed, lit his house on fire, and flew his plane into an Austin building that housed the IRS, who went after Stack for not filing tax returns or paying taxes he owed. He owned a house, he owned an airplane, he played bass in a rock band. He doesn't exactly sound like he had been ground down into poverty.

He, earlier, ran two of his businesses into the ground. In 1985, he incorporated Prowess Engineering Inc. in Corona CA. Its business license was suspended by California two years later. He started Software Systems Service Corp. in Lincoln, CA in 1995 and that entity was suspended in 2001. Stack listed himself as chief executive officer of both companies. He then moved to Austin to save them from themselves (according to his screed) with his development/programming prowess.

His web site was removed by its host this afternoon and in its place his ISP posted the following:

"This web site has been taken offline due to the sensitive nature of the events that transpired in Texas this morning and in compliance with a request from the FBI."
His rant, at various points, attacks the rich, the Catholic Church, Austin--one of the great hotbeds of art, food, music, technology, and film in the world), and the American People, or as he pegged us, "zombies." It is full of half-baked conspiracies against him, and builds up to him finally striking a blow against tyranny.




What strikes me most about his rants are the themes and keynotes--very similar to those of the Tea Party people--similar muddy logic, paranoia, disenfranchisement, pent-up rage, and a nearly identical sense of victimization. No doubt some of the Tea Bagger's twisted rhetoric resonated with Andrew Joseph Stack.

Had Stack been a Moslem/Muslim that flew into the building, we would now witness a national debate on The President's policies and about our "war on terror." That was not the case, and we now face up to the grim fact that, as Pogo once said, "We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us."
---o0o---

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

an all this is that testimonial


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Lying and contractions



It seems to be conventional wisdom among investigators and interrogators that the use of contractions can be an indicator of truth. “I didn't take it” instead of “I did not take it.”

Two public examples of this that come immediately to mind:

President Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

President Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook."


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Drawing: Faces No. 146 analog-->digital<--analog


click to enlarge
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Drawing by Jack Brummet: Faces No. 54


Faces No. 54 by Jack Brummet - click to enlarge
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Evan Bayh slips a shiv to the President & Democrats, decides to make some real $$$, or maybe just run for President?


by Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Correspondent

I just wrote a 1,500 word piece about this topic that has now disappeared in Blogger. The title alone remains. How can you be angry about losing two and a half hours of work? Only a fool puts his full trust in a computer, as I've learned many times over the years. I remain the fool.

Let me just say after I lost all that profundity that a) Senator Mikulski is also rumored to be announcing she is stepping down this week; b) Evan Bayh caught both Harry Reid and BHO unaware of his plans (a nice public "Screw You" according to one pundit)); c) it is an amazing turn of events when a Senator with a $13 million war chest, way way ahead in the polls, and no looming sex or graft scandal throws in the towel; d) Huffington and others (like me) think he is biding his time for a run at the white house, of things go the right way; e) the Dems now stand the possibility of not only losing their filibuster-proof supermajority, but majority status period!; f) with a supermajority Obama was unable to pass any serioius legislation at all, let alone a health bill; g) this may not be a mortal wound to Obama, but unless he turns this around very very quickly, he could slowly bleed out well before 2012.
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Monday, February 15, 2010

The Head

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

An astounding guitar performance by Tommy Emmanuel

A stunning YouTube video clip of Tommy Emmanuel playing his Guitar Boogie & Stevie's Blues at a show at Copper Mountain, CO. July 30th 2006.  Wow.


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Drawing: Faces No. 63 - Cube Farm, Section 11-B

click to enlarge
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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Taking Up A Collection For President Obama

On my way back to my hotel in Washington, D.C., I was caught in a hellish traffic jam. I asked a cop walking between cars "hey, what's going on?"

The officer said "the President is depressed. He stopped his motorcade and threatened to douse himself with gasoline and torch it. He says no one believes his stories about the war in Afghanistan, or that his stimulus money will help anyone except corporations. His health plan is a joke. Even the press is piling on now, he said. So, anyhow, we're taking up a collection for him."

"How much have you got so far?" I asked.

The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but I think a lot of folks are still siphoning."
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Friday, February 12, 2010

Joe Klein explains in Time why Sarah Palin is a threat

By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor



Joe Klein hit it on the head in this week's Time Magazine.  He was right about Clinton, and he's right about why Sarah Palin is geting traction with much of that same demographic. 

"I have a theory about Bill Clinton: his philandering worked in his favor politically, especially with a demographic chunk that usually shies away from liberalism: American working guys. It made him more accessible. Here was a fellow who got it on with faded lounge singers and then celebrated with a Double Quarter Pounder and fries at the local McDonald's. If that ain't pickup-truck nirvana, what is? Democrats haven't produced many such men of the people; they produce law-professor presidents, a theme Palin launched in Nashville that we will be hearing a lot more frequently in the future."
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Alien Lore No. 168 - Scientology and Aliens



I didn't realize that Scientology was, more or less, based upon Alien Visitors.  Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 (the word means"the study of truth" in Latin), and is based on a belief--like many other religions--that man is"an immortal, spiritual being."

Their website is here.

Scientology believes that man's abilities are unlimited.  No one is asked to believe or accept anything.  "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true."

In Scientology, The Thetans are immortal beings attached to human bodies that span multiple lifetimes. All humans consist of the body, the mind, and the Thetan itself, "which is the spirit, or you." Scientologists believe that the Thetans are the foundation of all human beings.



















75 million years ago, Xenu, the alien leader of the Galactic Confederation, came to Earth to drop off a large number of alienns.   They set off a hydrogen bomb, which fused the Thetans to whatever was left of the humans after the H-bomb blast. 

The Scientologists, by the way, do not believe in psychology or psychiatry.  This is not completely shocking coming from a group that believes humans are the children of an H-bomb, cavemen, and a horde of aliens.

As you know, the church has a passel of celebrities as members.  Four that come to mind are John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Kirstie Alley.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Huh? I don't know why this works (or doesn't work, actually)


Do the following calculations:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.



Now add another 1000.


Now add 30.


Add another 1000.


Now add 20.


Now add another 1000.


Now add 10.
________________________________________




What is the total? Scroll down for answer..



















Is this weird, or what?   Did you get 5000?  The correct answer is actually 4100.  Try it on your calculator now. . .
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Drawing: Faces No. 82 - Mutants

Click to enlarge:  drawing by Jack Brummet
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Government stimulus: the joke

By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor















It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$.  Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses. 
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.

The New “Stimulus” Package


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”


The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”


The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”


“Done!” replies the government official.
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Jack Brummet Drawing: Faces No. 48

click to enlarge
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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Drawing: Faces No. 83: meetingMeetingMEETING

Click to enlarge
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Sons - an old internet/email meme


I know this has to be a tired old internet/email meme that got passed around forever and was probably pockmarked by a string of carats by the time you read it.  But I didn't see it. . .until yesterday.  It provides some interesting insights into boys, and those among us who grow up to be men, more or less.  I admit, I am still thinking about mixing brake fluid and chlorine...
__________________

For people who have sons; and those of us who are happy that we don't.




You may find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.


2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.


5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.


8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.


10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.


11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12. Super glue is forever.


13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.


14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.


16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.


19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.


20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.


21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.


25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Monday, February 08, 2010

Jack Brummet drawing: Faces No. 116 - the numbered

click to enlarge
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Sarah Palin rocks the house at the Tea Party in Nashville. Not that hard, since everyone else dropped out.


So,  maybe we were wrong when we said authoritatively that the Ex-Governor hired a ghost writer with her new-found millions. 

"Say he played the war card, say he decided to declare war on Iran or decided to really come out and do whatever he could to support Israel which I would like him to do, but that changes the dynamics on what we can assume is going to happen between now and three years because I think if the election were today, I do not think that Obama would be re-elected."  - Sarah Palin, on Saturday.
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Sunday, February 07, 2010

Poem: The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile by Jack Brummet

We recently wrote about what we hoped might be a new shot at a tenth planet (disregarding for now the fact that scientists last year "demoted" Pluto).  A couple years ago, we published a poem by Jack on what was then the current candidate for the Tenth Planet:


The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile
by Jack Brummet


Is it a planet or not?
It depends on
What it's orbiting around.

A planet must orbit a star.
Round objects floating freely
Through space don't count.

If an object orbits a much larger object
That is not a star
Then it's not a planet either.

Scientists are slated to announce
Very soon whether or not that rock
Floating out there is the tenth planet

Or not.
If it isn't
Then what?
---o0o---

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Poem: When Evil Fails

In the end, evil konks out
Like a squid simmered in its own ink,
Because evil fails the moment


It overwhelms the good,
Consuming the very energy
To which it owed its duration.
---o0o---

Friday, February 05, 2010

Alien Lore No. 167 - The Tenth Planet On Its Way? Hubble Observes P/2010 A2 traveling at 11,000 miles per hour

Thanks to Jeff Clinton for referring this story.  It appeared on Gizmodo originally, but we used mostly the Hubble and NASA sites for info.  Photo reproduced courtesy of NASA, and You, the American Taxpayer.


The Hubble recently uncovered a weird X-shaped object traveling through space at around 11,000 mph. NASA says that P/2010-A2 is probably be a comet or the aftermath of a collision between two asteroids. [Editor's note, unless my math is wrong, they could be here in a year or so??]

This NASA Hubble Space Telescope photo below shows a comet-like P/2010 A2, which was first discovered by the LINEAR (Lincoln Near-Earth Asteroid Research program) sky survey on January 6.


The object appears so odd in ground-based telescopic images that NASA decided to book a little time on Hubble to take a closer look. This January 29 picture shows a "bizarre X-pattern of filamentary structures near the point-like nucleus of the object and trailing streamers of dust," according to NASA


The inset picture suggests the object is not a comet but instead the product of a head-on collision between two asteroids.  ASA says that astronomers have "long thought that the asteroid belt is being ground down through collisions, but such a smashup has never before been seen."

At the time of the Hubble observations, the object was approximately 180 million miles from the Sun and 90 million  from Earth.   The bottom line on P/2010 A2 is that no one who is supposed to know has any idea where it came from or where it's going.  Naturally, we at All This Is That believe that it is the fabled Tenth Planet, come home to join us, rescue us, or invade us.
---o0o---

The Supermarket

A guy goes to the supermarket and a beautiful blond woman waves at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't remember where he knows her from.

He says, "Do you know me?"

She smiles and says

"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

He is, of course, stunned. His mind reels back to the one time he was unfaithful to his wife.

"You're the stripper from my bachelor party? I remember. We had sex on the pool table while your partner whipped me with wet celery."

She smiles and says,


"No.  I'm your son's math teacher."
---o0o---

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Senator "Crazy" Joe Lieberman, on going it Republican style in 2012

Dear GOP:

I hope you enjoy that treacherous, sawed-off dingbat as much as we have!

Love,


Pablo Fanque
National Affairs Editor


---o0o---

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Drawing by Jack Brummet: Faces No. 82: Pairs

click to enlarge
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Dr. Wu by Steely Dan (from Katy Lied), with lyrics




Katy tried
I was halfway crucified
I was on the other side
Of no tomorrow
You walked in
And my life began again
Just when I'd spent the last piaster
I could borrow
All night long
We would sing that stupid song
And every word we sang
I knew was true

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
Are you crazy are you high
Or just an ordinary guy
Have you done all you can do
Are you with me Doctor

Don't seem right
I've been strung out here all night
I've been waiting for the taste
You said you'd bring to me
Biscayne Bay
Where the Cuban gentlemen sleep all day
I went searching for the song
You used to sing to me
Katy lies
You could see it in her eyes
But imagine my surprise
When I saw you

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
She is lovely yes she's sly
And you're an ordinary guy
Has she finally got to you
Can you hear me Doctor
---o0o---

Monday, February 01, 2010

One of the 100 most misspelled words in the English language is misspelled

One of the 100 most mispelled misspelled words in the English language is "misspelled."   "misspell - What is more embarrassing than to misspell the name of the problem? Just remember that it is mis + spell and that will spell you the worry about spelling 'spell.' " Click here for Dictionary.com's list of those 100 words.
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