Thursday, March 30, 2006

White House sources reveal V.P. Cheney under suicide watch and a White House in chaos

All This Is That has learned from senior administration officials that Vice-President Cheney is under treatment and has been placed on a clandestine suicide watch following new revelations about his office's complicity in the Valerie Plame spy case.

As The Raw Story reported, "sources close to Rove and others familiar with the inquiry, say Bush's senior adviser tipped off Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to information that led to the recent "discovery" of 250 pages of missing email" from Cheney's office. Cheney was seen sobbing by several high level staffers before being sedated by Dr. Edwin Argent. The incident capped months of increasingly unstable behavior by the Vice-President as his political fortunes continue to erode. Aides to the Vice-President have become increasingly alarmed by both his behavior, and statements that "it's all over, we're not getting out of this one." The Vice-President's mental health reportedly took a sharp turn for the worse following last month's incident where Mr. Cheney "accidentally" shot hunting companion Harry Whittington.

A Dr. Edwin Argent has become the de facto West Wing psychiatrist in recent months, reportedly treating 12 senior officials for a variety of illnesses, including obsessive compulsive disorder, severe depression, sleeplessness, and episodes of schizophrenia, with one official frequently hearing voices.

"Honestly, " one senior staffer told us, "the inmates are running the asylum. Dr. Ed's hands are full. People are talking about suicide, disappearing to Latin America, and one cabinet member even indicated he'd briefly considered taking the life of the Vice-President and Donald Rumsfeld. At the moment, our country is being run by a handful of dangerous fruitcakes. " The aide continued, "the worst part is that it seems to be getting to Dr. Argent as well. He is no longer the rectitudinous and reassured Doctor who calmly entered the White House in December. He's slipping. It's too much for one man. But if they bring in reinforcements, word is sure to leak."


Dr. Edwin Argent in 2002

One White House aide said that if word of Dr. Argent's treatment got out, it could shatter financial markets, trigger a grass roots rebellion against the G.O.P., and possibly, even encourage terrorists to strike again. "But I don't see how they can keep it bottled up much longer. When they prop Rumsfeld up in front of the cameras, he is pumped full of thorazine. Vallium and Xanax are handed out, no questions asked. The heavier stuff's not hard to find. The shrink is booked 'round the clock. They don't even bring Cheney out anymore. He's a basket case."

Another top official said "The President is not as emotional or fragile as his top aides. Thank God. I think he got it out of him a while ago. But he is worried and desperately concerned about the Vice-President. "He just about pushed Andy Card out the door this week, following what had become extremely bizarre behavior, including playing with Legos and sitting naked at his desk for hours at a time." The President reportedly feels abandoned, fragile, vulnerable, and alone."

Dr. Edwin Argent, a highly-respected psychiatrist, has in recent years worked exclusively with well-heeled and famous clients. Less than a year ago, the Justice Department quashed an investigation into numerous drug violations against Argent. In December, 2005, he was secretly moved into the West Wing, where he set up a discreet clinic.
---o0o---

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I knew it!

Anonymous said...

I am a (total) farker. It's interesting to read their comments on this (and some of the other posts). Farkers never actually post to a web site or blog.

Farkers post to fark. So they can keep the circle jerk going.

With the Fark guys...if you don't show any tits or ass, they suddenly become scholars and pooh pooh what is clearly satire. What a bunch of pathetic wankers, sitting in the dark hoping to find another nude photo of Lindsay Lohan so they can spank their shriveled monkeys.

Anonymous said...

Not all farkers are jerks. Most aren not. Like anything, there's a group of people who knoew they're really smart, and they like to show it to each other.

Anonymous said...

Everybody hears voices now, its Bill's fault.